the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
