I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
