I can tuck mytits in my pants
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
