The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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