hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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