and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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