"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
