the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
