butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
