he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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