Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize