That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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