You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
