i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
