Can i not drive my cunt home
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
