Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You dont lie about slip and slides
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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