mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
