Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
