I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize