I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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