Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Operation Purity has been aborted
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
