thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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