Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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