GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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