I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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