Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
