Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
