In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
