she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
