just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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