It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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