I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
