Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
