Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
