My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
