The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
