I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
