nut hugger
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize