piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
