Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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