smell my finger.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
