just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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