so explain again why im purple
no
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
