I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
