last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
