Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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