the condom got lost in my hair
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
