question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
