And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize