I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And then the night went full on bisexual.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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