I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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