We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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