OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
