can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
