there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
