we have officially lost it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
