That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I wear drunk well.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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