Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
