Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
