Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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