I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
