Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
