Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
