When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize