I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
