He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
