I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
