: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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