I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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