i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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