where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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