No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
