If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize