I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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